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Clinton’s Strategy Against Youth Violence: “Make Love, Not War”

Washington, D.C. –  In response to growing concern over youth violence, including such incidents as the school shootings in Columbine High School, spitball fights in Brooklyn, and the malicious tack concealed on 3rd grade teacher Jeannie Walton’s chair in Butte, Montana, President Clinton has adopted a new youth policy, embodied in the slogan: “Make Love, Not War.”

In a press conference, today, Clinton recalled his own childhood in Hope, Arkansas.

“I fear for today’s young people,” Clinton stated. “When I was in school, violence was the furthest thing from my youthful mind. Now sure, the sixties had their fair share of turmoil, and some of my fellow students felt the need for an aggressive stand against, “The Man,” but I rejected that. No, I was much more concerned with mini-skirts and go-go boots, than pistols and knives.”

Lamenting young people’s apparent lack of appreciation for the softer side of life, Clinton appointed himself head of a new commission to try and convert violent energy into something positive.

“As we did in the sixties, so must our children walk away from the concept of violence against violence, and embrace love for love.” Clinton continued. “I learned quite a lot, making love and not war. I learned about persuasion. I learned about honesty. And most of all, I learned about discretion. These were valuable lessons that not only shaped the direction of early life, but have formed the basis of my administration.”

Clinton went on to describe a two-step out-reach program, aimed towards both children and their parents. Both groups need different approaches, contended Clinton, and he hoped to spearhead efforts to reach them both.

“Back when I was a young adult,” Clinton recalled. “Attitudes were different than they are now. We live in a cynical society, and that is reflected in our children. In my day, it was not unusual to address a stranger. Now, when I encounter young women whose acquaintance I’ve yet to make, they often turn away. They key to love is trust, and I’m going to do everything in my power as President of the United States to see to it that our young women are more trusting.”

Clinton’s advice didn’t end with children. Clinton encouraged parents to be role models and active participants in the lives of their children.

“Remember,” Clinton cautioned parents. “Attitudes start in the home. We need to teach our children that love is the way to deal with things, not violence. Parents have to show the way. I will personally help implement this plan on the soccer fields of this great land. I won’t have our Soccer Moms rioting like European hooligans. As soon as my schedule permits, I plan on doing a nation-wide tour to instruct our Soccer Moms in the best way to show their love.”

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